ஐYou never know what will happen with a little......

Tickle Test

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 17:09:17 GMT

*YvOnNe*, a Romantic Gesture turns you on

Hey there, sweet thing! In affairs of the heart, your pulse pounds at the tender and enchanting moments. While you may not have it all mapped out just yet, the fairytale ending is what you're after and romantic gestures are a sure way to give you butterflies.

It might be sweet notes, a bubble bath for two, a surprise getaway to your favorite B&B, or even just an extra spin around the block listening to your favorite love song. Whatever it is, romantic moments (and the thoughts behind them) turn you on. Sure, brains are important, a sense of humor is attractive, and you never said there was anything wrong with sexy underthings, but it's how your partner expresses their feelings for you that really lights your fire. How romantic!

yippie

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 19:37:45 GMT

5 Days till My Birthday

Going to see Gretchin Wilsin on Friday!!!

Stupid Blond

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 20:50:59 GMT

Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a
ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?
"Homer said, "You know, I bet he'll jump"
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive
off of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to Homer, saying,
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the
5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Homer took the money.

Coors Beer

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 13:55:15 GMT

A bartender was working the late shift. While he was working, a beautiful blonde woman walked in and took a seat at the bar.

She ordered up a Coors and sat there drinking for a while. Suddenly, the woman passed out cold on the stool.

The bartender had a sudden thought, and so he cautiously looked around.
Seeing that no one was around, he closed up the bar, and took advantage of the situation.

The next night, the bartender was, again, working the late shift, but some of his friends stopped by, so he told them about the previous night and his good time with the blonde woman.

All of a sudden, the blonde walks in again. The bartender motions to his friends that she is the same lady.

The blonde sits down at the bar and orders another Coors. Eventually, she passes out. The bartender closes up shop, and him and all his friends take their turns.

The next night, the bartender is working the late shift. His friends show up, with all of their friends, and so there is a huge crowd in the bar.

The woman walks in again, orders a Coors, drinks it, and then passes out. So, the bartender closes up shop, and everyone has a turn.

The next night, even more people are waiting at the bar. The woman walks in and orders a Budweiser.

The bartender, his plans foiled, asks, "You don't want the usual?"

She looks at him for a minute and shakes her head. "No. Coors makes my pussy sore!"

Smart Women

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 12:41:32 GMT

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Busines s Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigare ttes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of m ules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everyt hing to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you

!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
and th en we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need h is wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't waken ed him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a
rough draft before the masterpiece.

Bumper Stickers

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 02:40:32 GMT

Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.

Impotence..Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"

The proctologist called
...they found your head..

Everyone has a photographic memory
...some just don't have any film.

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Your ridiculous little
opinion has been noted.

I used to have a handle
on life...but it broke off.

WANTED: Meaningful
overnight relationship.

Guys...just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one..

Some people just don't know how to drive...
I call these people "Everybody But Me,"

Don't like my driving?
Then quit watching me.

If you can read this...I can
slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!!

OUT DRINKIN WITH THE LADY FRIENDS

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 02:05:58 GMT

Imagine that you go out one night to a really nice bar with your friends and have a few cocktails.

They taste good, so you have a few more and then the DJ puts on 'I Will Survive,' so you're off on the dance floor.

After an hour or so, when 'Heart of Glass' has finished, and more modern music comes on , you come back to the group for a rest and another cocktail or three

You notice a group of men standing nearby and one of them is looking at you. You look back at him and there is tangible chemistry between the two of you.

YOU buy him a drink.

He likes a woman who is not afraid to buy a man a drink. He approaches you to chat and you get on really well.

When the time seems perfect for both of you, he leans over and kisses you.

You have never been kissed like this before, an electric kiss and a tingle shudders through your entire body and you don't want it to stop.

"I don't usually do this sort of thing," you hear yourself saying, "but I've never felt like this before.

Do you want to come back to my place?"

You wake up the next morning, and you roll out of bed, half-asleep , to go to the toilet , last night's memories slightly blurred

You look at yourself in the mirror, make an "urgh" sound. .

As you're sitting there, vivid flashes of what would seem like a marathon sex session flicker back into your head and you remember that you fell in love last night .

With a smile on your face , you stand up and walk back to the bedroom

and see...

THAT'S JUST WRONG

That would make you quit drinking and sober up in a hurry

: )

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 21:15:52 GMT

Paul

Sooo,

Americas national animal is the Bald Eagle,

and Canada's national is the Beaver.

So what happens when Canada and The USA merge.

We get the Bald Beaver!!!!

Ha Ha! I loved it when I herd it. I had to share it with you all.

Good one Paul!!

b

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 13:10:47 GMT

sex and the city

Tue, 30 May 2006 15:48:51 GMT

Adam: Come on, give me a little BJ, up and down a couple times, you're done, it's easy!
Samantha: Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'!

No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.

Samantha: So help me—she fucks on my couch, she buys it.
Carrie: Isn't that how you got the couch from me?

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you are to become who you will be.

Carrie: I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife. But in those fantasies, I was running over them with a truck.

(Answering machine message) I'm not home, but my shoes are. Leave them a message.

Carrie: You shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it.

Later that day I got to thinking about fairy tales. What if Prince Charming had never shown up?

Would Snow White have laid in that glass box forever? Or would she have gotten up, spit out the apple, gotten a job and a health care plan and moved on with her life?

Carrie: Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.

Samantha: Men, they may have you on your knees, but you've got them by the balls.

Charlotte: Is it safe to buy pot from strangers?
Carrie: They're not strangers. They're our new friends with pot.

Carrie: What do you want?
Mr. Big: Why don't we save time and you just tell me what I want?

Your Blog Should Be Yellow

Tue, 16 May 2006 19:27:05 GMT

Your Blog Should Be Yellow

You're a cheerful, upbeat blogger who tends to make everyone laugh.
You are a great storyteller, and the first to post the latest funny link.
You're also friendly and welcoming to everyone who comments on your blog.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorshouldyourblogorjournalbequiz/

Have a GREAT DAY!!

Tue, 16 May 2006 17:15:20 GMT

Hello everybody

Mon, 15 May 2006 20:11:58 GMT

I want somebody who...

Thu, 11 May 2006 18:20:17 GMT

I want somebody who...

I want somebody who can make me laugh. I want somebody who can make me cry. I want somebody who can make me angry. I want somebody who can be silent but is saying everything. I want somebody who’s favorite sound is my voice. I want somebody who’s favorite sound is my silence. I want somebody that will follow me to the edge of the world but won't let me jump off. I want somebody that will hold my hand when I do jump off. I want somebody who knows what I’m thinking without even wondering. I want somebody who is mystified by me. I want somebody who appreciates the tiniest crease in my hand. I want somebody who understands what I’m saying when I’m saying nothing at all. I want somebody who knows how to sing me a love song. I want somebody who can close his eyes and feel my pain when I feel no pain at all. I want somebody who can kiss my tears and make them into rainbows. I want somebody who can hold me and let me melt into his body. I want somebody who can kiss me and take my breath away. I want somebody who can be happy just holding my hand. I want somebody who at the thought, sight, sound, touch of me makes his stomach flip. I want somebody who has to clutch his stomach in aching from laughing at the most slight of jokes. I want somebody who can't stop talking about me. I want somebody who keeps me his biggest secret. I want somebody who knows I’m his most amazing fantasy. I want somebody who knows I’m not just a somebody. I want somebody who can challenge me. I want someone whose eyes show me everything and nothing all at the same time. I want somebody who always calls when he says he will. I want somebody who calls when he says he won’t. I want somebody who forgets to call when he says he will. I want somebody unbelievably romantic. I want somebody completely unromantic. I want somebody who doesn’t bite their nails. I want somebody who sneaks a couple of bites in from time to time but always gets caught. I want somebody who electrocutes me with his touch. I want somebody who puts me on fire with his fingertips. I want somebody who doesn't know how to love. I want somebody who loves from the bottom of his heart. I want somebody who’s had all the problems in the world and gotten through them. I want somebody with baggage. I want somebody who knows how to live each and every second. I want somebody who doesn’t realize that the seconds have passed. I want somebody who cuddles in the morning. I want somebody who will be late for work just to watch me sleep a few more seconds. I want somebody who doesn’t understand the little things. I want somebody who understands the big things. I want somebody who never sees the bad. I want somebody who can detect the bad before it happens. I want somebody who stops the bad before it happens. I want somebody who lets the bad happen. I want somebody who works harder then he plays. I want somebody who plays harder then he works. I want somebody who can never find a balance. I want somebody who always has a balance. I want somebody who needs me more then he understands. I want somebody who I confuse. I want somebody who needs me more then I need myself. I want somebody who I need more then I understand. I want somebody who's eyes water with fear. I want somebody who lets himself be afraid. I want somebody who's never afraid. I want somebody who will be my hero. I want somebody who lets themselves go. I want somebody who isn’t afraid to get blown over. I want sombody who wants me. I want somebody who doesn’t know who he is. I want somebody who......

Is You!

SHAKIRA LYRICS

Tue, 09 May 2006 18:24:53 GMT

"Don't Bother"

She's got the kind of look that defies gravity
She's the greatest cook
And she's fat free

She's been to private school
And she speaks perfect French
She's got the perfect friends
Oh isn't she cool

She pratices Tai Chi
She'd never lose her nerve
She's more than you deserve
She's just far better than me

Hey hey

So don't bother
I won't die of deception
I promise you won't ever see me cry
Don't feel sorry

And don't bother
I'll be fine
But she's waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don't bother, be unkind

I'm sure she doesn't know
How to touch you like I would
I beat her at that one good
Don't you think so?

She's almost 6 feet tall
She must think I'm a flea
I'm really a cat you see
And it's not my last life at all

Hey hey

So don't bother
I won't die of deception
I promise you won't ever see me cry
Don't feel sorry

Don't bother
I'll be fine
But she's waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don't bother, be unkind

For you, I'd give up all I own
And move to a communist country
If you came with me, of course
And I'd file my nails so they don't hurt you
And lose those pounds, and learn about football
If it made you stay, but you won't, but you won't

So don't bother,
I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine
Promise you won't ever see me cry

And after all I'm glad that I'm not your type
Promise you won't ever see me cry

So don't bother,
I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine
Promise you won't ever see me cry

And after all I'm glad that I'm not your type, not your type, not your type, not your type
Promise you won't ever see me cry

JuSt BcUz....

Thu, 04 May 2006 17:57:58 GMT

JuSt BcUz....

ღ Just because I’m bitchy doesn’t mean I’m a bitch.

ღ Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot to say.

ღ Just because I appear happy doesn’t mean everything’s ok.

ღ Just because I'm sarcastic doesn’t mean I don’t take things seriously.

ღ Just because I forgive doesn’t mean I forget.

ღ Just because I don't listen to your problems doesn't mean I don't care.

ღ Just because I'm gullible doesn’t mean I can be cheated.

ღ Just because I'm stubborn doesn’t mean I’m not easy going.

ღ Just because I don’t study doesn’t mean I’m stupid.

ღ Just because I don’t show my feelings doesn’t mean I don’t have any.

ღ Just because I don’t love you doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings for you.

ღ Just because I'm honest doesn’t mean I’m outspoken.

ღ Just because I'm not like you doesn’t mean I’m weird.

ღ Just because I'm unsure doesn't mean I'm afraid.

One for the ladies

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 03:54:52 GMT

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a

good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Understanding Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and
laughter in your heart......Then you are just an old sour fart.

What's Your Kinky Turn On?

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 19:23:48 GMT

You scored as Chains/Handcuffs.

Your turn on is handcuffs and chains.

You like being cuffed/chained to the bed,

or cuffing/chaining your partner down.

You love the pure ectasy of being in complete control...

or letting someone else have complete control over you.

Sex isn't sex without control.

Chains/Handcuffs

92%

Bondage

92%

Biting

75%

Blind Folds

75%

Whips

58%

Blood

25%

What's Your Kinky Turn On?
created with QuizFarm.com

A message

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 19:13:21 GMT

A message

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to

*ever let you down

probably will.

~You will have your heart broken probably ~

more than once

And it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so
remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight

with your best friend.

<You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. <You'll cry
because time is passing too fast,

and you'll eventually loose someone you
love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've

never

been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of
happiness you'll never get back.

ஐYou never know what will happen with a little......

Tickle Test

yippie

Stupid Blond

Coors Beer

Smart Women

Bumper Stickers

OUT DRINKIN WITH THE LADY FRIENDS

: )

b

sex and the city

***Your Blog Should Be Yellow***

Have a GREAT DAY!!

Hello everybody

I want somebody who...

SHAKIRA LYRICS

JuSt BcUz....

One for the ladies

What's Your Kinky Turn On?

A message

Your Blog Should Be Yellow